F I'm So Vintage

Missed A Recent Post?

Monday, September 1, 2014

learning to say no


Women Speak





Why is it so hard for women to say no. I have spent most of my life unable to say no. Even when I wanted so desperately to say no. Even when it went against my best interest to say no. Even when I was terribly inconvenienced. I would grit my teeth, say yes, and then be mad as you know what.

I remember when my second husband asked me to marry him. I wanted to say no, I meant to say no, but he had the ring and he looked so pathetic hopeful. I mean I couldn't hurt his feelings, could I? Don't get me wrong, I have two incredible daughters and three amazing grandchildren so I wouldn't trade that for anything, and I mean anything, but what made me put his interests above my own well being. I have spent the past forty years paying for my inability to say no to him.


It wasn't just big things that I couldn't say no to. It was also small everyday things. It was as if I had a sign taped to my back that said ASK LAURA SHE CAN"T SAY NO. I have gotten up out of my sick bed and run to the store because someone needed something and apparently I was the only one capable of getting it. I have walked to a store in a blizzard, with bad knees, uphill both ways (okay, slight exaggeration) because no one else could get the milk. I have stood in front of a crowd of people at a podium, leading a conference even though I was quaking in my shoes and didn't want to do it. I have.......well I'm sure you get the picture.


I have recently, after only 63 years, learned to say no. My mom told me a few days ago that my brother, who we haven't seen in five years, has decided to come for Thanksgiving and cook our dinner. Isn't that wonderful she said. I told him you would clean up the kitchen after the meal. NO, NO, NO!!!!! Two years ago I turned in my Thanksgiving kitchen duties. I'm done. I either eat out at a fancy restaurant or I eat a cheese sandwich. I'll be happy to give him a big hug at the restaurant. 


Today, my sister asked if I would drive her to the grocery because she didn't feel like driving. Okay, I said, because I could pick up a couple of things for myself. When it was time to go she showed up at my bedroom door, credit card in hand, and said she didn't feel like going so could I just pick up her things as I was already dressed with my makeup on. (we have been down this same road so many times I've lost track) NO, NO, NO!!! 


It hasn't been easy making the transition from yes to no, but it gets easier each time I do it. It doesn't mean I won't do anything for people, but it does mean I won't allow myself to be taken advantage of, and that seems like a pretty good thing to me.

Are you good at saying no? I would love to hear how you deal with unwanted requests. Grab a cup of coffee or tea and let's chat.

post signature

P.S. Please notice that the random flower pictures have nothing whatsoever to do with this post, but they were calling my name and I just couldn't say no. OOOPS!!
Saturday, August 30, 2014

august memories

Can summer really be winding down so quickly? It is hard to believe that it is Labor Day weekend. Where has the time gone?

Since everyone seems to be busy enjoying their long weekend, I thought I would just share some random photos from my month of August.


















I hope you have a fun filled, playful weekend.

post signature
Friday, August 29, 2014

a day at the florist

I have talked here on the blog before about my family's florist here in Lexington. Michler Florist is the oldest florist and greenhouses here in central Kentucky, and has been voted Lexington's favorite florist.




It is a magical place founded in 1902, at its current location, by my great grandfather, Carl Michler, who came to the US from Germany in 1869. It was originally named Michler Brothers, but was renamed Michler's Florist when my grandfather Louis took over the business. Louis along with his wife Carrie and children Karl and Mary Jean (my mother) lived in a home next to the florist.



As a child I had many wonderful times visiting my grandparents in that house, playing in the greenhouses, and working at Easter bagging corsages. As a young mother I introduced my two daughters, Cary and Katy, to the florist.



These days I love taking my grandchildren and passing the love on to them. Sitting in what I call Aunt Rose's greenhouse, where she kept her pet birds,



seeing the awe in their faces,



wandering through the spaces where my mom rode her tricycle,



seeing the potting shed where I climbed up on a high stool to sit by the side of my grandfather while he taught me the proper way to pot a plant,



and looking at the remnants of the greenhouse that my father built, where they are now constructing an outdoor beer garden and cafe.



Of course there are always those things that only a little person can see and point out to you. That you have to get way down and look at, because it is very important. 



Yes, things change in the world, but some places still retain the magic. I feel so blessed that I have had one of those places for my entire life. Thanks to my Uncle Karl, Aunt Jean, cousin John with his wife Claudia, and their son Robin for keeping the magic going.

post signature
Thursday, August 28, 2014

what are you whispering to yourself?

Transformations

This is one of those telling on myself moments. Last night when I checked my bank balance I found that I had done something I had never done before. I overdrew my account and was charged what I considered a horrible fee. I was at first very angry with myself. How could I have done that? I am so careful with my money. I live on such a strict budget. I wanted to sit down and cry.

That was when I stopped myself. The words that I was whispering to myself were having a negative effect on my well being. I could feel my sense of serenity slipping away.



So I changed what I was whispering to myself. I told myself that it is okay to make mistakes. We all do it. We learn from our mistakes and move forward. I felt an actual sense of lightness.

So many times we whisper negative things to ourselves and those things that we whisper affect us in so many negative ways. When we change the negative to positive it can make a profound difference in our lives, both mentally and physically.

I hope that you will pay attention to what you are whispering to yourself. That you will love yourself and others in your whisperings. 

Have a wonderful self loving day.



post signature
Wednesday, August 27, 2014

sitting down to write

Often when I sit down to write my blog I have no idea what I am going to write about. I have a routine every morning. I get up, brush my teeth, throw on some clothes, and head out the door for my morning walk.



When I get back home I sit down and meditate. I hope that one of these two things will provide me with inspiration for my blog post of the day. Often it does, but sometimes it doesn't.



If the latter happens, I usually look through my photos for inspiration. Sometimes that helps. Sometimes, not. 

I have tried to plan my posts in advance, but generally that doesn't work for me. My blog is about life. It is a personal blog. It is, I hope, inspirational. Life can't always be predicted. Yes, we can make plans, but life happens in the moment. It is that moment that inspires my writings. 



Each moment of each day I am on a journey. That journey encompasses feeling gratitude and moving towards a simpler more serene way of living. I can't plan those moments. I can only live them, and in turn write about them. 



I am a very fallible human being. I make mistakes and in the past I have dwelt on those mistakes. Now I work towards learning from them and being grateful for them. I am a pretty open person. I do a lot of sharing. Not because I want everyone in the world to know each and every idiotic thing I have done, but because I want you to know you are not alone. 

We are all fallible. We make mistakes. We are human.



So as I sat down to write today's post I had no idea what I was going to write about. As you can probably tell I just let things flow. Sometimes I feel that just rambling can be a good thing. Random thoughts. Random photos. They all add up to life.

Have a great day.



post signature
Monday, August 25, 2014

support system for the aging woman


Women Speak

Each Tuesday here at I'm So Vintage we have a weekly forum with topics of interest for women. This forum is for and about all of us. A couple of weeks ago one of my dear readers contacted me with her story. She said she is an aging woman who has never been married. She is concerned about who her support system will be as she gets older. 


One of the biggest concerns for all aging women is who will take care of us when we get older. For some there is a spouse, adult children, and/or siblings, but some women do not have any family members to rely on. Where do we turn if we are in this situation?


Even though I am only 63 and have daughters and siblings I am thinking of how I will take care of myself. Because I have limited financial means I know that I need to find a place to live where I won't be a burden on my family. I also want it to be a place where I will feel safe and be able to interact with other people on a regular basis. That is why I am already looking into independent senior living apartments for those who are 62 and older. I am planning to put my name on the waiting list for some apartments in the Atlanta area next year. My goal is to move there once I turn 65 in December of 2015. 


None of us know what will happen in the future. My situation may completely change, but I want to be prepared. I know that I need to get back into my own place. I miss my things. I miss having my own space. I miss my independence. I miss living near my grandchildren and my daughters. I also know that I don't want to intrude on their lives or be a burden to them. I plan on working at my business for a long time to come and hopefully it will begin to support me better in the future.


Each of us have different situations with different needs, but I know that we all want to know that we are taken care of. Most areas of the country have women's centers and senior support services. There are job services for people over the age of 50. Getting involved in a church, with meetup groups, or taking a part time job are all ways to meet new people and find support services. There are even dating services for people over 50 if you are looking for a new partner. 


I'm sure that you all have ideas that you can share, so grab a cup of tea or coffee and let's chat.



the best is yet to come



A Snippet of Inspiration

Each Monday is devoted to a snippet of inspiration because a little rain falls in everyone's life.

I was catastrophizing last night and this morning. Yesterday my car started making a weird noise, and well let's face it, my car is 15 years old so I started to think the worst. It is going to wipe out my measly savings, what will I do without a car, my life as I have known it is over. A bit dramatic, yes, but I haven't had the best luck with mechanics. So, I looked on line and found a local mechanic with a five star rating. Took my car in and there was Tony. (wish I was 30 years younger). Turns out it was just a caliper and he can fix it for 80+ dollars. He also gave me a tip for my sputtering that has been going on for two years. Fill it once with high octane gas and that should clean it out. Hooray!! I think I'm in love.

You may be asking yourself what this has to do with snippets, but I started thinking that just when you think things are really bleak you realize


We all have have had bad days, or weeks, or months, or even years, but that just means that the future holds something wonderful.

Hope today is one of your best days ever.